I think a huge part of improving your lifestyle is being able to recognise the toxic people in your life and being able to deal with them in a way that can help you move forward.
I’m sure most of you all know how hard of a challenge it can be to survive and deal with people’s mood, their ups and downs and trying to figure out where you are are in the picture. Before we start deleting numbers and ‘outing’ from our lives, consider the fact they may be ill, seriously stress or lacking emotional needs. These people really need to be supported and cared for. You still need to protect yourself from this though, see Is your energy safe?
We are talking about a different type of moodiness, a different type of negative behaviour. There’s always that one person who will use his or her mood swings to manipulate you and their situation, these people are toxic bullies who want to inflict abuse and misery onto the people around them. All their relationships & friendships are based on how much they can use other people to meet their own selfish needs. I’m certain all of you have observed people who have a similar lifestyle.
Everyone of us will fall victim to this at one point in our lives, so how can we avoid the kickback from an individuals toxicity?
1. Ditch them.
Get rid of them. Anyone who insists on dictating their emotions into the atmosphere in a destructive way, they are toxic. If because of their attitude and regardless of you compassion, advice or patience isn’t helping them, you are suffering, you need to be asking yourself, “Do I really need OR want this person around me in my life?”
Getting rid of toxic people from your life makes it a lot easier to breate. Leave these people behind & move on when the situation warrants it. This means that you care about your own well-being, there’s nothing selfish about that and it doesn’t mean you wish ill of them.
Any relationship, whether that be a friendship, relationship, marriage or even a work colleague should contain a give and take policy. It should be reciprocal and mutual. If you can’t get rid of them for whatever reason then read the following points, they should hopefully help you out.
2. Their toxic behaviour is NOT okay.
Long-term pain is not worth the short-term relief, people who are toxic do not change if they get rewarded for not changing. Why would they? From this moment, don’t allow yourself to be influenced by them or their behaviour. Stop making special excuses for their continued behaviour.
It’s not worth putting up with the drama or continuous negativity. Is someone 21+ isn’t capable of being reasonable or reliable then you need to let them know, leading us onto #3.
3. Speak up!
For their own gain, some people will happily do anything at the expense of other people, whether that be taking money and/or property, passing guilt or blame etc. Stop allowing this type of behaviour. When confronted, most people will know they are doing the wrong thing will back down. You’ll be surprised at how quick as well. People tend to stay quiet in most social situations so just speak up.
People with toxic behaviour could try to use anger as a means to influence you. They may ignore you when you try to get in touch or speak to them, they might interrupt you to start talking about something that you find sensitive. If you decide to speak up and respond, they could be shocked, ‘upset’ or angry because you’ve trodden out of your box but it’s important to speak up regardless.
A big reason once can get sucked into toxic mind games is not mentioning it to the person. Challenging the type of behaviour can sometimes bring the negative impact of their behaviour into the light for them to realise.
Here are some ideas you could try to bring it out of them:
“Is something upsetting you? You seem angry”
“Would you like to talk about something else? I feel I am boring you, is this not important?”
“I don’t know if you are aware but your attitude is upsetting me right now. Is that what you want?”
It can be alarming to someone if they do use their mood as a means of manipulation, direct statements are great to open up an opportunity where you can try and help them if they are facing a genuine issue.
Alternatively, they could try to deny it with the “What do you mean?” but at least you have tried and make them aware of their attitude.
If they still persist and deny the fact then it is probably time to #4.
4. Stand up for yourself.
Your dignity can never be attacked unless you allow it to be. This is just about finding that strength inside of you to stand up for your boundaries.
People who are really toxic will endeavour to pollute everyone and everything that surrounds them, this will not stop you unless you are prepared to do something about it. Demonstrate you aren’t willing to be at their disposal, end any conversations with either over the top niceness OR be completely abrupt with them and walk away.
You want to get the message across that the reward for games has disappeared and will not be played at your expense. Vacate from them and ignore them until they change their ways.
5. Their behaviour is not to be taken personally.
You need to know that this has nothing to do ith you. It’s all on them.
People who are toxic will most likely try their best to make you feel like you are the reason for their outburst. The fact that we are all prone to feeling guilty at even the slightest of accusation doesn’t help, this can massively damage our resolve and knock our confidence back.
When you take nothing personally, there is a huge freedom to be found. Toxic people behave the same way as they to you as everyone around you and the people you don’t know around them. IF you feel directly involved and personally attacked, you need to realise the fact this is what they want & it really has absolutely nothing to do with you.
It’s all based on their own reflection, everything from what they say and how they say it to what they do to you, other people and how they do it.
6. Practicing compassion at a practical level
If you know a toxic person who is going through a difficult time or suffering from an illness, it might make sense to be sympathetic with them. You still need to disengage with the fact that they are being so for a reason. It makes no sense to allow yourself to be the subject of someone’s game because they aren’t feeling too well, when they get better, they understand that it’s okay for them to treat you a certain way and it gets far too tempting for them to use their situations to get at you.
7. Me time.
We are all forced to work with someone we don’t particularly get on with, but when the person is genuinely toxic, it’s very important to get some rest, relaxation time and get yourself out of there. With all our distractions, work can be a hard place to focus as it is, never mind when you are having to do so in front of someone who has a toxic attitude around you. It will wear you down. Even if people do have a genuine illness, they still understand other people around them have needs so excusing yourself politely won’t cause any issues.
Your time away is deserved, especially under this environment, being able to think free from the toxic attitude and outside issues is your right. If the situation isn’t making time or working for you, then make time for yourself and step out of there.
You deserve this time away.
I’m certain there are a lot of different ideas you guys can think about as well that can help deal with toxic people. I would love to hear what you all think so if you do have any suggestions, please feel free to comment below.
PS: If you do like reading my posts and find them helpful, please consider subscribing and sharing with your loved ones so we can create a positive community.