The Magic Of Being 23.

Most people will wake up on their 23rd birthday to a failing relationship, a dead-end job, next to an empty wallet with a fuzzy head from the night before and no sense of direction in life.

I was the exact same besides being in a bad relationship, because, well, mine was non-existent.

I didn’t go down the whole university route, so I can’t talk about being pushed into the real world with a large amount of student debt. Luckily, during my time being in the Army, I had a good amount of savings left but still, the jobs available were ones that barely paid enough to live off. Relationships are a whole new board game and with social media getting involved, any sense of a real relationship just becomes an distorted picture. You feel lost in yourself with how to handle near enough anything.

Saying that, we pull through.

Most of us make it to our 24th birthday. Some would say we make out the woods. Hopefully some of you could say that by the time the end of your 23rd year here comes to a close, you aren’t feeling utterly lost.

In case that’s not the case for you though. I have a little list that might help you out.

1. This loneliness you feel will not last forever.

Being 23 is a pretty uncoomfortable age . Your university life is probably coming to an end.  Everyone is expecting you to start your professional life & because of this you have the most awkward shift within your social life. The people who know you well are too far out to be there & those who physically surround you don’t really know you that well to show support.

Time is needed. Give everything a chance to evolve & give yourself to shift to longer living with your close mates. Trust me when I say this, you will adjust. (I’ve met many people and you realise that we are a communal species who love to connect. This phrase will not last forever, even if the loneliness makes you feel different.

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2. We are all on our own journeys, don’t get too beaten up about not chasing your dreams right now.

We are all on our own journeys and if you need to get a shitty office job to pay the bills, then you go and slay it. It’s definitely okay for you to and volunteer in your local charity shop to gain experience. In our lifetime, there is literally thousands of different ways to get to where you want. Don’t beat yourself up in the process, look at what’s happening, try and learn from it but most importantly, just keep moving forward at your own pace in the direction you would prefer to be.

3. It’s okay to be lost.

We are all very similar & everyone you come into contact with, meet or think about has definitely had times during their life where they don’t have a clue about what they were doing. Allow this to be yours. You are getting it out the way in your early years. Smart move I say.

No, seriously. Every single person you meet, interact with or think about in the course of a day has almost definitely had a period of their lives where they had NO clue what they were doing. So this is yours. You’re just getting it out of the way early.

4. Go for the no. Look forward to failing.

Seriously, failing is a part of life & you have plenty of time to practice at it: Your personal goals, falling in love, your career and even your creative aspirations.

You are so young, you have plenty of time to fall over and get back up. Do not be scared of making them risks now, while you have the time, the grit and determination to get back at it.

How many times did we fall over when we were first learning to walk? Our parents have so many funny stories of our “first steps”, yet we got back up and went at it again. There’s no difference here. Learn how to walk again and look forward to tripping up once again.

5. You’ll feel loved again by someone who truly cares about you.

Remember them butterflies, that crazy gut-wrenching feeling. That urge to tell someone how you really feel about them. That exciting, nervous feeling is going to come back. You’ll have someone there who you have something real with once more, even if it doesn’t feel like it at this stage. Your ability to love people never leaves even if its something you’ve sworn you’ve thrown away. It will find a way of coming back.

6. You are going to love you again.

The old you has left and you are changing at a pace you are not comfortable with. Don’t  be upset with who you are or who you thought you would be at the age of 23, there’s so much time to grow into who you’ll become and you’ll have plenty of time to become proud of yourself all over again.

7. You are allowed to set and keep boundaries.

Being this age means “YES”. Saying Yes to near enough everything – demands from relationships, long shift patterns at work – because you are not too sure what you can get away with saying no to. Here’s the real deal though, you can set whatever professional or personal boundaries you feel are required to keep yourself stable & healthy.

Don’t feel like you need to earn a right to respect or properly take care of yourself.

8. You are never really on your own

Regardless of what you think, if the shit really hits the fan, you’d have people who would offer to help in ways you cannot begin to imagine right now. You might not have the parents who can support you financially or friends who are there immediately whenever you need them but if reading this allows a few names come to mind, you are already doing better than most.

9. You’ll know you can do better when you feel disappointed.

You would be living your life all wrong if you weren’t falling short of your own goals. In moderation, disappointment means that you beleive in better and bigger things for yourself & holding onto that beleif will take you further than you could ever imagine.

10. Don’t think you need to live your life on other peoples terms.

I like travelling and volunteering so moving to Asia for two years to teach English would be awesome for me…. You are not me & this is about you. If that’s not what you dig and it’s not going to make you happy, then you don’t have to do it, and you don’t have to explain that to other people. The thought of moving to a big city and getting a dead office job because it’s going to impress your freinds and family doesn’t sit well with you. I beg you on this one, DO NOT DO IT!
Believe me, the choices that you make now will set the tone for the choices you make for the rest of your life. Living your life on other peoples terms now to keep them happy? 30 years down the line you’ll be doing the same. Find your passion, find that desire in your stomach and only be concerned with making your future self proud with the choices you make today..

11. Don’t disregard your right to say NO.

Get used to saying no. Say no to everything that doesn’t sit well with you. The people who bring the worst in you. No. The jobs that really don’t entice you. No. The ‘opportunities’ that only stop you from building a bigger and braver lifestyle you’d rather be on. No. Learn to say no now, comfortably and strategically and you’ll be saving yourself heartache and regret later in your life. Remember, you can change your mind at any time about anything, if it doesn’t serve you anymore and you don’t want to work on it. Say no.
No regrets.

12. We are adults, you’re going to have to ask for what you want. People don’t mindread these things.

Your dream job, that perfect relationship or your ideal lifestyle isn’t going to find it’s way the minute you put your hand out because you’ve been obeying the rules. You need to ask, directly and something incessantly. Unfortuntately for us all, this is the way the adult world works. The sooner you can get comfortable asking for things you really want, the sooner you’ll get results. Results that those who are afraid to ask for won’t see,

13. Forget about feeling embarrassment.

Embarrassment is a joke & a choice. The prouder you choose to be of yourself, no matter where you are in life, the further you are going to go. Confidence is the key to success. be your biggest fan.
Recently, I was in a local bar and started speaking to two young ladies, we had the normal introductory conversation (Name, age etc) when one of them went red in the face. I had asked her where she works and she got embarrassed about it. I said to her  “Who am I for you to be embarrassed about something you are doing in your own life, we’ve been speaking for about five minutes and you feel embarrassed infront of a stranger about your own path. I’m a nobody to you, quit that shit, be proud of where you are” Far too often we wrap ourselves in the idea that people we don’t know are going to be judging us for what we are doing or the direction we are moving in. Well here’s a secret, you know that feeling you have that other people are judging you, I promise you, they are feeling the exact same about you & everyone around them. The world doesn’t revolve around you, me or anyone for that matter, so stop being embarrassed in front of people who quite frankly don’t care. Own your shit and be proud of it.

14. You won’t like this, but your body is aging, you need to look after it

We all still try, but lets be honest, a diet consisting of beer, powernaps & takeaways isn’t going to keep you going forever. Your body is changing & you need to take responsiblity to accomodate this if you don’t want to feel rough for the rest of your days. Treating your body correctly and ensuring it’s got the right nutrients is going to have a greater impact on you later on in life. Think about your future on this one. Follow this  link for some great nutrtional products.

15. You’re definitely more attractive than you consider yourself being.

One thing I hear from a lot of middle-aged people who I personally know is that they thought they were unattractive in their early 20s.

With everything in life but moreso our appearance, we are our own harshest critics & at this time in our life, the most unattractive quality we can have is a lack of confidence in own appearances. Believe in yourself like crazy. In a world of doubters and negative people, you need to be your own biggest fan. It will help later on in life when you aren’t kicking yourself that much.

16. You are going to carry on changing. Accept this fact.

You might be going through a beautiful, rare moment right now where you feel you have everything figured out…. Not trying to dishearten you but this is far from the truth and this quiet moment will be over very quickly. Your thoughts, emotions and views are constantly changing and your life will prove that. This isn’t a bad thing, remember that you are still developing, the worst thing you can be right now is stagnant.

17. Seriously, take a break.

Being 23, I know how easy it is to get caught up with everything. Trying to find yourself whilst battling at your career goals and forming and holding a social life and relationships, we really forget to just sit back for two minutes and breathe. Just take a break from all the dashing about to get it all worked out. You still deserve to live and enjoy life. Obviously don’t forget about your goals but certainly learn to find peace in all the craziness and just take a step back. It will all come together soon.

18. A natural consequence is losing friends at this stage of life.

Growing older is a natural part of life and at this stage, we will lose touch of roommates, hometown friends & even loved ones. We are all moving in our own directions at our own pace, it’s not upto you to keep every kindle of friendship alive. Somethings will naturally fade out & it’s because they should. Some friendships are only meant to last a few months whilst some are there for a lifetime. Don’t take this to heart, everyone you come into contact with has a reason for being there, if you drift apart, you have both shared a path that helped shape you into who you are now.

19. You are not a bad person for leaving people you have to leave behind in order for yourself to grow.

We all grow at our own pace, the older you are, the more you’ll notice some people just sabotaging themselves. It’s not your job to help everyone & it’s certainly not your job to help someone from themselves. You can be there for them, support & love them for as long as needed but it boils down to the fact that if they are getting in the way of your ambition, success and drive and constantly dragging you down, then you have a responsibility to yourself. It’s not selfish to keep moving forwards. They’ll be in touch, don’t sweat it.

20. Unless motivating, give up with the comparisions.

It’s a great thing to use comparisons if you are using them to motivate yourself to rise up on anothers level of success & acheivement. It becomes a significant waste of time and energy on your behalf if you are using them to beat yourself up. You are you, you are not your colleague who just got that promotion or pay raise. If you want to rise above everyone around you, you need to use the skills unique to you rather than trying to lynch onto what comes so natural to others.

21. We all fuck up. Don’t beat yourself up about it.

Nobody is perfect & if they tell you otherwise, you don’t need to be listening or spending time with them. I’ve made huge mistakes and looking back I’ve had some pretty low times. (Check out this page if you haven’t already). We are taught to be ashamed of our failings, our low points and only show our best side to people as though we are on a photoshoot so we have thousands upon thousands of young people scared to come out because they think they are the only ones going through stuff. Let me tell you know, you are not alone, we’ve all survived which means you will also survive this.

22. We are all also shitting it.

It’s a fact. Who actually knows what’s going to happen tomorrow or next week, never mind 5 years down the line. No-one has a foolproof plan because it doesn’t exist. None of us are 100% sure on how to get where we want and we don’t have it figured out.

Even the people who are the most confident, those who arewilling to share their stories to the world and help other people, we are all a little unsure & we do sometimes get a little bit scared. It’s life & it’s perfectly fine to feel that way. Uncertainty is key to this whole experience.

23. Your life would be boring if you had it figured out, learn to ride the waves.

Imagine how boring and how much of a let down your life would be if you had it all squared away at the age of 23. The ups, downs and straights are a natural part of what keeps us moving. The truth is, right now is the best time you can have to ride out the flucations, struggling prepares you for a great future of resilience, struggle, prepare to fail and keep on doing it whilst you are 23. The future will fall into place & you have plenty of time to do so.

The right path?

I’m hearing this a lot at the moment & I had to put my thoughts on it…. that there is no “wrong” path to life, that every path is the right path and will take you to your destination….

How true is this? I mean, are we actually being true to ourselves when we say this or are we kidding ourselves?
Trust me when I say this, I know exactly what it’s like to be on the “wrong path”. I’m talking about a path that just feels wrong. It in no way serves you as a person, nor does it bring your soul to life. In your heart & gut, it’s wrong, you know it is and you’ll do anything to get out of that place. You 100% understand there is something so much bigger and better out there for you.

 Don’t get me wrong, I really believe that everything does have a purpose and you are placed in a location but it’s to put you on a more ideal path, it provides you with plenty of insight to where you don’t want to be and you ultimately learn so much from the experience. My time in the Army was undoubtedly the worst experience in my life to date, but I look back on it & I realise how much I’ve developed from my time and how it’s led me to where I am right now.

When we spend time looking at those gut feelings, we can really live a life guided by our intuition which will never take you down the wrong path.

Here are 3 signs you may not be on the right path in life:

1) A great sense of internal emptiness

You genuinely feel empty inside.

Waking up and getting out of bed becomes a chore & you feel that if this how your life continues this way, you will be unhappy for the remainder of your time on this planet.

If your current life is unsustainable for you and your life, that if things don’t change you will go through your whole life miserable and upset, then you need to change something.

It’s your soul telling you to look inside of yourself, go deep and work out what your gut feelings are telling you.

Your intuition is more tuned than you give it credit for. If something doesn’t feel right. There’s a very good reason for it.

2) You have a deep feeling that your time is being wasted.

You feel like your time on this planet is being wasted.

You get a deeper sense that life is so short and you need to spend your time more wisely in ways that are more fulfilling to yourself.

Again, like above, if you have a gut feeling that your time is being wasted, you might want to start paying attention, there’s more than likely a very good reason for it.

If you don’t feel that you can have your dream job (Whilst I like to think anyone can achieve whatever they desire) some people, just won’t go for it, even still, every single one of us has a longing to leave our own creative mark on this planet.

Honestly, if you are not creating, serving or developing yourself then you will always have that deep feeling of your time being wasted.

3) You know something is amiss so you do anything you can to fill that void.

Most of your day is spent filling that void. Procrastination, addiction, TV, Memes, partying. You will find anything you can to distract yourself from that painful feeling that you need to change your path in life.
Often materialistic possessions are used as a way to supplement your lack of purpose or meaning in life. This void is your hearts desire to come alive. Don’t ignore it or try to fill it but allow it to direct you onto a better path.

I’m not trying to induce any sort of negative emotion from this and it’s not trying to encourage self-guilt or sadness, more to inspire you. I’ve been in this situation myself & it’s truly horrible. You feel powerless to your situation and because of that, you fill that negative feeling with “treats” to shut it out. Materialism, alcohol, partying etc.

I was honest with myself and it took a great amount of grit to get myself out of that place, be honest with yourself, look deep inside and listen to your intuition & ask yourself if the path you are on right now is where you KNOW you should be on…

Maybe we are on a self-destructive path of addiction, self-denial and self-hate. Maybe we aren’t spending time with our loved ones, or maybe we are being suppressed at work and our drive isn’t being allowed to show.

Whatever it may be for you, take some time out to listen to yourself, connect with your inner-knowing and follow that wisdom. If you know in your heart that there is something that needs to be changed, your soul is either mistaken or something needs to change.

I’ll leave that last thought to you but remember we only have on shot at this thing called life. Who are you living your life for? Find your passion & chase it.

Buckets or Water Pipe?

I want you to imagine a scenario and answer the questions at the bottom of this post.

You enter a new town and get approached by the Mayor. You get offered an opportunity to make money. “There is a water shortage in my town & the nearest water source is some way away, for every gallon of water you are able to bring into my town well, I will give you £10, take these two buckets to carry the water”

You do this for a few years and become an active member of society amongst the townspeople.

One day, a young town member approaches you and tells you about his plan to build a water pipe, he explains that he has all the equipment available as he’s been making it for some years, but sees you are a hard worker and would like to help you earn more money by joining him.

He sits you down and explains to you that it’s taken a few years to build this pipe so he would require a small investment for you to purchase your part of the water pipe but you will make a % of the water flowing into the well from the pipe regardless of whether you are there or not, in the long run, making you a great amount of money.

1. Which do you choose?

A. The Water Pipe

OR

B. The water Buckets?

2. Why are you more geared towards your option?

16 Things Where Success Separates From The Rest

I want you to really think about this. Sit down for one moment and take some time to think about your successful friends, now think about your friends that are always complaining…   If you don’t currently have any successful people around you or you can’t think of any, then these tips are going to make you that successful one that your mates will look upto.

Successful people speak and think completely differently to other people. They work 10 times as hard than anyone else. It’s easier than you think as well, but I promise you, you have to model yourself and gain education from the right people. Your unsuccessful mates are the ones feeding your mind lies. It’s time to ditch them.

“You’ll never achieve that, why don’t you just quit, it’s too hard, it’s meaningless” We’ve all heard this & it’s utter nonsense. If you have heard that from your ‘friends’ recently. Newsflash! They aren’t your friends. Ditch them. Listen to your successful friends and chase your dreams.


Here are 16 things your successful friends have given up:

 

1. They’ve given up believing they can’t change the world

The people who are successful know that it’s about your education, where you are born or how much money you start with; sucess is about trusting in yourself and believing you can and will one day change the world.
Every single one of us has the power and ability to do something of significant value.You need nobody to tell you that you are worthy or that you deserve to be phenomenal.
The people who are successful let that inner guide, that gut instinct, that self-belief to guide them & their vision for a better world. Successful people believe they can be part of a positive change that helps rise humanity to a higher level.

 

2. They’ve given up on luck

“Luck is a matter of preparation meeting opportunity” – Oprah Winfrey

How many people have you heard praise Luck for something? I won the lottery because I was lucky. How about this, stop leaving your success on to a gamble and get out there and make it yourself.
Luck is a myth straight out. Your successful friends stopped believing in it a long time ago and have replaced luck with “hustle.”

Seriously, if you want something, go make it happen! Stop wasting time, get out there, there’s never going to be a right time to do anything so do it right now. You are in charge of your own success. Get out there and grab it by the horns!

 

3. They’ve given up on numbing pain

Now we all like a drink, but here’s the thing. Those who are successful aren’t trying to escape life by numbing the pain; they are trying to find the source to it and bulldoze it straight out of the way. You might see them drinking and enjoying the social life but a huge difference to them and everyone else, is they don’t always talk about people, they have plans, huge plans & they are out there meeting with other successful people working towards a unified vision.
They aren’t scared of failing, but they know that failing is part of the journey to success. Successful people don’t need to forget their failures by numbing the pain because they are so focused on learning from them rather than being pushed into darkness.

 

4. They’ve given up on negative people

You’ll find successful people have left their loser friends behind in the dust cloud. They aren’t sitting down and listening to people who have no drive, motivation or idea about anything. They avoid losers like a plague.

There’s one exception & this again is a big difference, your successful friends will hang out with losers when they have committed to turning their life around & they are asking for help. Your successful friends truly believe in helping others and sharing advice.

Do not let negative entities draw you a road map of how the world is supposed to be. Find & create yourself! Grab the piece of that map that guides your life from each of your successful friends. Use a combination of all of their knowledge, stop consuming information from everyone who brings you down and go out and execute it.

 

5. They’ve given up on time wasting

Your successful friends are really bad at procastinating. They know what they want, they have faith in what they can achieve, then they get started on their goals. They treat every moment in life as if it is precious, which it certainly is, they know this & are not willing to waste one single second of it.

When they grow old, successful people want to be proud of how they spent their time, how they changed the world and the people they were able to help, impact and inspire.
They want their legacy to last for generations to come.

They want a standing ovation for the way they have lived their life when they walk into a room. They find the gift of wisdom somewhat significant and are humbled by it so much they embrace it with every effort they can muster.

 

6. They’ve given up only consuming

Consuming isn’t something successful people like doing. Instead of consuming videos on YouTube all day, they’ll spend that time creating. They’ll spend so much time “doing” instead of just sitting there watching others “doing” and living the success they’ve always dreamt of.

Focus on spending 50% or more of your time creating and leave the rest of your time to fill in the blanks.

7. They’ve given up selfishness

You might have noticed successful people are selfless. Their vision, goals & maybe family comes before everything else. They are so focused on helping, serving and giving back to others. Basically; life is not all about them, even though they are always sharing their stories. There’s a great lot more behind their journey.

8. They’ve given up wasting their money

They way successful people handle money is different as well, they pay themselves first & large amounts of their income. They’ll never forget to give back to others & they’ll make it a habit, even when they don’t have much to give. How much you give will ultimately determine how rich you become.

9. They’ve given up on not believing in people

How you achieve anything if you don’t believe in people? Would Rome have been built if people hadn’t have helped eachother? Your successful friends see the good in people and pick their “A-Team” very wisely. They see talent & they absolutely love to polish and help people reach their full potential.  Your successful friends want to create more leaders rather than go it alone.

They can see past all the imperfections one might have & look for the light that is really trying to break through. They love to see and help people transform & believe anyone can be successful.

They are not going to hang around people who aren’t able to grasp that and are losers though.

“You can take a horse to water but you can’t make it drink”.

10. They’ve given up on negative thoughts

“World War 3 is not being fought on the battlefield like prior wars; it’s being fought in our own minds”

Successful people have plenty of discipline when it comes to their own minds and what they want. It’s the center of their universe & they completely understand that success stems from this one place. They are constantly training their mind every day to avoid the default negative views.
Instead of focusing or challenging these negative thoughts, successful people do everything possible to let these thoughts pass like clouds in the sky. Acknowledgement of these negative thoughts is unavoidable but they choose to spend their time focusing on the positive thoughts that come to light in their consciousness.

 

11. They give up on the Bull****

Life is full of nonsense with no meaning. Your successful friends make a conscious choice to leave it behind. The things that have no service to them: the news, TV, Celebrity Gossip, Reality TV are all eliminated from their schedule. They hate meetings and if they are held for the sake of it…. Let’s just say it’s frowned upon.

Self-serving and egomaniac people are forgotten about. You need to sort through the dirt to find the golden nugget that makes you feel fulfilled. Being successful is all about not letting bull**** get in your way.  Adapt a low BS tolerance mentality. Don’t put up with other peoples and certainly don’t put up with your own.  Make a change for the better.

 

12. They’ve given up on being stuck in failure

“Failure is a cheap lesson in what’s not going to make you successful”

Successful people aren’t afraid of failing and they don’t let fail failure stop them. They understand it’s part of learning and actually embrace failure.

“Those who have never failed, have been too scared to try anything and will constantly remain in the comfort zone, forever resentful of the crazy world around them”

13. They’ve given up on being single

Your friends who are successful know that being single is a genuine myth. They look for a partner who is supportive through all their challenges and who reinforces their successful nature. They know when they get home, they need a good man or women who will be there for them

They realise that love makes the madness of life worthwhile. They don’t avoid love or try to postpone it, they make it a mission in life to find it while they carry on working at their vision.

It’s cool being single, for around 5 minutes until you are old, wrinkly watching all the happy couples dancing at the charity ball while you are sat in your chair. Somewhere, there will be a sinking feeling that you’ve missed out. You were so busy doing that you forgot to love. The one thing you were put on this great planet to do: Love.

14. They’ve given up on wearing a mask

Successful people have literally dropped their mask, unlike the corporate politicians, they are happy to be vulnerable. They share even the most personal of stories, being fake is a huge crime to them & letting themselves shine bright is the only way they will choose to live their life…

15. They’ve given up on people’s opinions of them

Successful people do not care what others think about them. They aren’t after approval, nor are they trying to impress anyone other than themselves, hence why they aren’t afraid to go out and fail.

 

16. They’ve given up on giving up

The final thing your successful things have given up is giving up. They’ve figured you can’t work a minimum amount of time, complain you aren’t getting traction and quit.

They definitely are not quitters. They fight all of the pain, struggle and personal battles to earn the title of being successful. It’s certainly not easy and what they do, more than anything else is refuse to give up!

To them, quitting is just not an option. Their passion breaks through every single barrier. They are insanely obsessed not to crack under the pressure and give in, so much so that nothing will stop them.

Where does this leave you? Do you think you can adopt this mindset and then go on to join your successful friends that dream island where they hang all day after a hard day of winning at life?

Well if you are still here, you certainly haven’t quit. I believe you can now go out there and chase those dreams.

Quitting is not an option, and they let their passion push through all the barriers. They’re insanely obsessed not to lose, and nothing is going to stop them. Could you adopt this mindset and then go on to join your successful friends on cloud nine where they all hang out after a day of winning at life? I believe you can. Do you?

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